I'm taking it slow, feeling my way

Just in time, in the right place, I will play my cards right and know what I am doing. I feel so inadequite right now. I'm not a mother and I so desperately want to be one. I know I have kids, but I want to hear the word 'Mom' and know it's directed at me. Selfish I know, but it's a desire I can't hide. I feel lost, like I'm playing a role that I wasn't made for. Kids of my own aren't in my cards, and I am starting to doubt if we'll ever get to adopt. Austin needs a job, a good job, so we can turn in our papers and we need to get sealed before we can go through the Church avenues.

Getting sealed is a whole other issue. Our letters were returned to us by our stake president to re-write with more feeling. How on earth am I supposed to put more feeling onto a piece of paper I just poured my heart into? I feel like nothing can be done. I try and try and try and I'm still sitting here, not sealed to Austin and knowing that they may never happen at this point. With my luck we'll get denied and have to do it all over again!! GRRR, I am so sick of this life.

Please tell me it gets easier, that this life isn't all about let downs. I need a break, I need some encouragement, I need to be loved.